What we can learn from the most annoying movement in internet history

The "Go Woke Go Broke" movement is organizing. Meanwhile, Coca-cola and Pepsi have dangled the eco-utopian carrot in our faces for years.

The previous most annoying internet movement was remarkably only two years ago. The title belonged to us liberals. During the pandemic, we all suddenly got really freaked out about plastic straws. Remember that? We all pointed fingers at Starbucks and said, "Fix it!" Of course, Starbucks had already vowed to remove plastic straws in 2018, but it was still cool to see us go after a corporation for plastic use. That is, until we got all fascist-y and chronically online about people using straws. Not you or me, of course. We know that disabled people exist and should be allowed to drink stuff using whatever straw is available to them.

Anyway, we used to hold the crown for annoying movements. What happened to us? 

Go woke or go broke

Go Woke or Go Broke is aimed at corporations that show the slightest bit of solidarity with oppressed groups. It is a revolutionary movement in all but its motivations. These people are organized and have infrastructure. They've developed propaganda channels with large audiences. They have shirts and bumper stickers, reich-wing beers, and telecommunication companies. They're fierce and loud and annoying as fuck.

We had that with the save the planet movement back in the 90s. But it all went to shit. We got caught in the recycling craze and missed the forest for the trees. As a result, corporations were free to drain natural resources and pump out pollution as a byproduct of shareholder value. And while we were busy worried about who was and who wasn’t recycling, the conversation about government regulation never really stuck.

Like it or not, corporations are taking notice of the Go Woke Go Broke movement and, in some cases, backpedaling on rainbow capitalism. It's hard to say who the real winner is if it's anyone. Indeed members the LGBTQ community are the ones being harmed. So on the left, we see a strange solidarity with Fortune 500s. Conservatives hate them, so we must love them. Conservatives stop drinking Coke, so we buy a six-pack. And on, and on, we go.

But what if we learned something from the Go Woke Go Broke movement? What if we replaced their transphobic motivations with a demand that these corporations finally fix their plastics addiction? And what if we were like, I dont know, really annoying about it? We could use our innate ability as liberals that make people want to slam their heads against the walls, to ban most single-use plastics finally. Because let’s face it, we might be on the right side of history, but no one is more obnoxious about an issue they’re passionate about. It’s time we weaponize.

Eighty countries have banned single use plastics. Why are we still side-eying Cynthia from HR because she doesn’t have a Hydro Flask when we could be the 81st? The answer has to do with how corporations frame the global warming emergency. Their public relations efforts are remarkably effective at keeping legislation at bay, and us scolding each other for shit that doesn’t matter.

The eco-utopian carrot

Every few years, brands like Coca-Cola and Pepsi convince us that a more eco-friendly version of capitalism is just over the horizon. Sensational headlines promise sustainable packaging to keep us hopeful. It makes us feel good to know that our favorite brands are working hard to save the earth. And why shouldn't they? This is all our homes, we think to ourselves. But then comes the subtle jabs. The largest polluters in the world frame the issue of global warming as a team effort. It is a reminder that we, the consumer of their plastic-wrapped products, are just as complicit. Our finger-pointing is then lured away from CEOs and toward our neighbors. Because if Coke and Pepsi care, then so should we. We have to do our part! But that plant-based bottle never goes to market. Recycled-materials-used never hits the high watermark. And what was a frenzy of amplified, feel-good promises turned into whispered retractions.

In 2011 Pepsi announced a 100% plant-based bottle made from grass, pine bark, and fairy dust. It replaced the current PET bottle for Pepsi Co's one billion dollar product line. Pepsi positioned the announcement as a massive victory for the planet. News outlets published a quote from Senior Executive Rocco Papalia saying, "We've cracked the code." In response, Coca-Cola announced its plant-based bottle the same year. But there was a problem— the new bottles were no more biodegradable than the old. Which is to say, not bio-degradable at all. Pepsi's initial messaging was so confusing that outlets published misleading headlines. Pepsi bottles: no more plastic is an article still on the internet today, twelve years later. The new rPET bottle did offer recyclability for Coke and Pepsi. What was previously impossible now meant an opportunity to use fewer raw materials. That is, of course, if people started recycling.

The two largest plastic makers spent the next decade secretly lobbying against effective recycling programs. Publicly, they announced recycling commitments, bio-degradable prototypes, and corporate-funded green initiatives. For years, they played their role as dirt farmers and made us the donkey. They dangled their eco-utopian carrot just close enough to our faces that it kept us plowing forward. To add insult to injury, we later learned that 95% of the plastics we thought were recycled ended up in a landfill. Individual recycling is not working. Or, at the very least, blaming each other won't enact change.

So do we do nothing? Of course not. The most immediate change we can make is redirecting our anger toward the corporations creating the problem. Not to say we get a pass under the "no ethical consumption under capitalism" clause. Just we should all do our best with the cards we were dealt.

Class, race, ability, and location contribute to how much we can participate. Corporations, on the other hand, can end most single-use plastics right now. But they won't do it if we don't make them. So, let's get annoying (in a non-homophobic, non-transphobic, non-racist, non-sexist, non-ableist sort of way). We have it in us. I know we can do it.

Go Plastic, Get Your Ass Kicked. Let’s workshop some slogans.

Sources and infuriating reads

• Recycling plastic is practically impossible — and the problem is getting worse

• PepsiCo unveils 100 percent plant-based bottle

• PepsiCo scraps use of 100 percent recyclable plastic bottles

• Pepsi Max uncaps campaign announcing 100% recycled bottles

• Set, miss, repeat – big brands and plastic recycling targets

• Pepsi bottles: no more plastic

• Big Soda’s Addiction to New Plastic Jeopardizes Climate Progress

• Leaked Audio Reveals How Coca-Cola Undermines Plastic Recycling Efforts

• Consumers' Research launches 'Woke Alerts' to monitor companies' liberal initiatives

• Budweiser releases new pro-America ad with iconic mascot in wake of Anheuser-Busch Mulvaney controversy

• Verify: Is Starbucks actually using more plastic to get rid of straws?

Yikes.